Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
