What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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