I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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