I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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