i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
