brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
