I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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