I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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