Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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