whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
