Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
