So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
