apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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