the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
