Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
