It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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