I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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