What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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