I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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