if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
