I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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