if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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