thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
