remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you didnt know i had herpes?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
