how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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