my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
