Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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