I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This toilet bowl is my home.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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