I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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