I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
