Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All I want is dick and wine.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
