i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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