Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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