I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
