I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
