You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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