honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Quick, to the slutcave!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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