Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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