Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think a kid would responsible me up
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
