how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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