Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
