I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
