My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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