Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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