you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
