i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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