he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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