remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
