Kiss
Puke
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
