i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
