How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
