Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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