8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
