I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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