Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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