i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize