I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
