some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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