Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
