apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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