Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
