He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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