You work out of a Hotel?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
