Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
