The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
