I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
